I’ve spent the past days trying to put sadness and anger into coherent sentences that don’t include four letter words. This is what I’ve come up with.

I can only imagine what it must have been like, crossing the border alone at the age of 13. Hoping and wishing for a better life surrounded by love and joy. Dreams of someday becoming a vet or helping children were put on hold for Yanelli Hernandez because she had to work to provide for herself and her family.

The psychological trauma endured while crossing the border and living in the United States as an undocumented immigrant was enough to drive her into a deep depression until she saw suicide as her only way out. But it’s not just her. Thoughts many of us have contemplated. Thought many of us have put into action. Claudia felt that raising funds for her funeral was more crucial than raising funds for an education. Reyna also realized that a funeral would be less expensive than school. Joaquin Luna strongly believed there was nothing left for him here and so he committed suicide last year. Yanelli was walking on that same tightrope.

Self-medicated and under validated, she was stopped and promptly placed in a detention center. Overwhelmed, a cry for help took the shape of two suicide attempts. The detention center responded by placing her naked in confinement with a blanket. Stripped off her clothes and her dignity she was given an anti -depressant. No hugs, no shared tears, no soothing words or a warm glass of milk, no treatment, no love. nothing.

A beaten, battered and broken Yanelli hung on to one last string of hope, the folks from National Immigrant Youth Alliance (NIYA) out in Ohio. Soon enough, her story went national. Petitions, urgent calls and vigils were all in her honor, for her freedom. Pictures holding a sign that said, “I am from____ and I stand in solidarity with Yanelli” were posted all over Facebook, twitter and tumblr.

However, not everyone agreed that she deserved to stay. Not everyone agreed that she needed treatment, ICE rejected her request to stay because they thought there wasn’t any proof of a mental health illness despite her attempted suicide. Groups and media folk who so quickly answered Joaquin Luna’s suicide as a gateway to funds, media hits, interviews, photographs and intimate video montages now stayed silent about Yanelli. So many expressed regret and pain towards Joaquin, especially politicians, saying, “we should have done something earlier” “we should have got to him sooner” didn’t step up and help Yanelli.

Why?

Because years after the Dream Act’s creation, came a profile of who should benefit from it. Many forget that G.E.D holders would benefit as well. Many forget that young mothers and fathers qualify for the Dream Act. Many forget that queer undocumented youth can apply for the Dream Act when it passes. Many, only strive to stop the deportations of the “best and brightest” like Durbin says. We seem to forget that the best and the brightest also suffer from depression. That many of the warriors involved in this movement have been, or continue to be, suicidal like Viridiana from the NC Dream Team and our very own Sonia.

We seem to forget that we’re all human beings, regardless of grade point average, achievements and school involvement. We seem to forget that many of our parents didn’t even finish High School, Junior High or sometimes just have a basic elementary school education. Who are we to then turn around and say that the Dream Act needs to pass because the top percent of the class deserve it? No. Everyone deserves it.

We’ve developed this idea that Dream Act beneficiaries are the elite. And so, those are the students who’s deportation gets stopped, because no one wants to defend a youth with a criminal conviction. The “good youth” who fit the norm are the ones that deserve to be advocated for; therefore, the rest of the youth who don’t fit this image don’t get involved.

Call me liberal, call me crazy, but no one should be deported. Not only is it inhumane but it’s also expensive. The Dream Act is not only for those who are ready to put their degrees to use; many are no where near getting a degree. Many, are like Yanelli, battling and dragging their demons every where they go.

Out of all the deportation cases I’ve seen, this one hurt the most. Because despite her suicide attempts some still feared stepping up or simply didn’t care. The lack of involvement was a loud and clear “fuck you” to youth out there self-harming and self-medicating. Because the voice in our head that says, “you’re not good enough” has now been re-enforced by the government that’s suppose to protect us and those around us who say they stand by us. Because to be featured on the senate floor speech, acknowledged by the media or wanted in this country you either have to be the top of your class or dead.

Suicide and all other mental health issues keep being swept under the rug. The only issue highlighted in public is the lack of money for school but never homelessness among undocumented youth or the missing resources for undocumented youth who have been sexually abused while crossing the border, like Stephanie, or undocumented youth who have been sexually molested by someone they knew, like me.

We’ve come to understand that if the help and resources are not there, we make them ourselves by using our experiences, voices and our stories. Thank you to everyone who called, petitioned, submitted stories, those who actually profiled her and stepped up when Yanelli needed us. Especially Joaquin Luna’s family, because even though they are still grieving the loss of their baby, they still find the strength and love to want to save another youth. However, the fight is not over. Undocuhealth.org was born among all this anger and helplessness in the hopes of creating unity and a long distance support system between states. This NIYA project is for us. Use it, spread it, read it, watch it and most importantly.. share it.. Because no one fights alone!

Efforts are developing to help Yanelli and her family. Feel free to leave a message of hope and love for her and Joaquin Luna’s family here.