NYSYLC Don't Just Dream, Act!

18Mar/106

My Name is Andrea & I am Undocumented

For days I've been thinking about the perfect time to write my story, for days I've been putting it to the side, yet for days I've been waiting for this chance -- the chance to finally feel like its okay to do this.

I am currently sitting in a computer room in my school, constantly checking to my left and right just in case someone is glancing over my screen reading what I am writing.

Three days ago I was on the bus on my way to the Dream Act leadership training, and throughout the whole ride there I thought to myself why I should and shouldn't "tell my story", or go "public", and let everyone else know. I hesitated ( and I still do), but I figured WHY NOT? Although being in this situation does not, in ANY WAY, define who I am, who I am capable of becoming, and what I am capable of doing, it surely and unjustly limits me.

When I came at age eight, I had no idea I was permanently staying here. I was only reuniting with my mom after six long and torturous months of separation. I believed it was just a vacation, and within three months I would be back in Ecuador with all my friends.Almost ten years later, here I am, sitting in this computer room, still living in this country, living with millions of uncertainties and concerns.

Unlike many others, I always knew I was undocumented, I just never thought it would affect me as much as it has. I remember clearly the day we were about to find out who passed the driver's ED written exam. I jokingly called out my name, which was followed by the echo of my own name actually being called out. I HAD passed! Only two people passed the test and I was one of them!!!! I was going to be able to drive...

"wait stop-- no remember you are undocumented so you cannot get a license" the voice inside my head reminded me. "Fine" I thought to myself.

I wouldn't be able to afford a car anyways so there would be no point. The paper stated it expired in two years, I was sure my situation would get settled by then. From there on, the endless list of excuses, lies and the denial began. I take this time to apologize to all of those friends who I had to lie in order to avoid explaining my embarrassing situation as I was scared you would look at me differently and reject me.

I remember junior year, the most stressful year in high school for anyone who is trying to get into a good college and maintain a good GPA while still managing with SAT's and other AP exams. I was still certain that my situation would miraculously get fixed. I kept putting the whole "college" idea off while everyone proudly stated the five colleges they applied to, and the other seven they got accepted to. Everyone asked me what I was planning on doing and where I wanted to go. I just acted nonchalant about everything and told them I still had time, and that I would eventually figure it out. In reality, I was dying. The whole time I felt so trapped, so unable to respond or react. I felt detached from the rest. I felt like I never had the chance to move forward while every single person around me did, and clearly had a bright future ahead of them. But no, not me. . The idea of knowing that everyone around me was heading towards success while I was going to be stuck in the middle of everything was hurtful. I was always moving backwards, never moving forward. There’s this brick wall stopping me, a brick wall that never crumbles, and I constantly keep hitting it. That brick wall that shoots my dreams, and kills my hopes, and ends everything I have worked so hard for. Its exhausting -- the thought of always maintaining hope, and always being let down. Its exhausting -- maintaining the thought of things turning out well in the end.

Despite everything, Here I Am, and I am not going anywhere. I am in my second semester of college. Tuition paid out of my own pocket with absolutely no financial help. I am Still here, still fighting, still hopeful, and still uncertain. But for how long? There have been plenty of times where I want to simply quit, drop out of school, leave this place, pack my bags, and start all over. But please help me imagine how. Where am I supposed to go when everything I had in Ecuador has vanished? Please tell me how I can possibly leave behind everything that has taken me so long to build? How am I supposed to take my dreams, my goals, my aspirations and everything else in between, put it in a box and forget about it? Where does all my hard work go to?

I HAVE the option to give up, but I will not take it. I have accomplished way too much even though I am very limited. I have graduated high school, I have entered college, and even with all these preoccupations, I have still managed to get excellent grades. I will not accept giving up as my only option. I have made SURE that it is not my only option. I have promised myself over and over that I will not become part of the statistic. I will not be another Latina out of school with an ordinary job. I have worked too hard for this. I have too many dreams and too many aspirations.

Yes, being undocumented limits me, but believe me being undocumented won’t stop me.

15Mar/104

Don’t Be Afraid!

don't be afraid!


As most of you know March is Coming Out month. A long with thousands of undocumented youth all over the nation, I too, came out. Coming out can be difficult and very scary. Someone expressed their worry in this email and here’s my response.

Hi,

I've spoken to various people, family and friends who are undocumented or were before. I asked them if they would actually wear a shirt or post the fact that they're Undocumented. Their response was: "Hell no! I wouldn't want to get deported!" I don't think it's a good idea to do this, it could put people's situations at risk, it wouldn't be safe and people would definitely not feel safe to wear this. There are many other ways to raise awareness. Although this exposes a powerful message I don't think it can go very far. Have other people told you this? What can guarantee people that they are safe and nothing will happen to them by exposing the truth? Since I could remember, family and friends have kept their situations in secret.
______________________________________

Hello,

I know exactly what you mean! I sat down with my mother a few days ago and told her that i would be coming out- she was terrified. She’s against the whole idea of speaking out and telling people. My mom raised me in an environment where speaking out about your status is wrong, and she taught me that same fear.

I started seeing things differently a few weeks ago on a trip to Minnesota where 4 brave students were planning to turn themselves in to ICE. It was then that I realized, there was no need to live in fear. Sure, I'm not going to challenge ICE but there are different ICEs that I DO need to challenge. For example: coming out to my friends, to my teachers, and most importantly coming out to myself. We must accept the fact that we’re undocumented, being quiet about it isn’t going to change it.

Not everyone is ready to tell the whole world they're undocumented but we must take baby steps. Your friends and family need to accept the fact that they're undocumented and that the lack of a social security number doesn't define them. We deserve to live here just as much as anyone else. By coming out you’re taking back your rights and power as a human being. For me, Coming out is such a liberating experience and it's lifting a weight because I no longer have to try to explain why I don't travel back to my home country, why I don't have a license, why I'm not in school this semester and much more. For someone that isn't ready to fully come out they can always change their statuses on facebook to, '’I support the immigrant movement'' or ''Don't just Dream, Act!" and they can wear shirts that say they support undocumented students and the immigrant community.

Coming out is a long process and you can't expect someone to just come out from one day to the next but at some point people need to come out for their own well being. By keeping it in you only cause yourself more damage and you let “the man” win by suppressing your own voice.

Your family and friends can visit the NYSYLC office and come out to us, we provide a safe place and there is a support group that helps each person throughout this process. I know because I personally told them my story for the first time. There were a lot of emotions that I kept to myself and in the NYSYLC I learned how to use those experiences for the better. Listening to the stories of other undocumented students can be a way of preparing yourself to come out. Someone can also come out by sharing their story with the NYSYLC, we’re posting new stories each day.

And yes, when National Coming Out Day was first planned we thought about the pros and cons of this movement. There are lots of campaigns ready to be launched that help stop deportations because we've had cases of students and families being deported (and it wasn't during a coming out event).

Coming out doesn't have to be something extreme like provoking ICE but in this case, I think you should start by coming out to yourself. Putting a face to all the numbers and statistics does go really far and it opens up the ‘’coming out’’ door to others that are going through the same challenges. After you've taken baby steps to coming out, maybe sometime you could send us your story! :D

Don't Be Afraid,
Angy

P.S. Here's the link to my story CLICK HERE

_______________________________________________

For more ideas or to just hear from others who have made the coming out journey, join us tonight on a national call with leaders from the Immigrant Youth Justice League in Chicago and Students Working for Equal Rights. Maybe you are wondering when was the first time they ever came out? What inspired them to get involved in the movement? Why walk to D.C.? Anything goes, RSVP and ask your question.

RSVP for this National Coming Out Call

WHEN: Monday, March 15th (TONIGHT)

8 PM EST / 5 PM PST
WHO:

  • Felipe, Gaby, Juan & Carlos - Trail of Dreams, Students Working for Equal Rights (SWER)
  • David, Immigrant Youth Justice League (IYJL)
  • Host: Renata, Student Immigrant Movement (SIM)

We have made amazing progress this week by coming out as undocumented youth, but we need to keep it up in order to make the changes we want to see and pass the Dream Act this year!

   
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