Category Archive: Ask Angy

does a social keep me safe?

Dear Angy,
I am an 18 year old living in New Jersey. With Christie as our governor, there is no way the Dream Act is going to pass. I go off to college in less than a year, and I am really worried as to the limitations on my opportunities. For one, what do I label myself when filling out an application? I have an expired visa but I don’t have a social security number. And my family and I do file for taxes each year, and I have a job at Staples. That confuses me even more. Does having a social security number secure me?
Thank you! -Jen

Jen,
Thank you for your email, being brave and open about such a confusing issue.
I don’t know if the way things are in New York is the same in New Jersey, here, if you have an expired visa there are more chances of getting into private universities. When applying I believe you are labeled as the visa which you came into the country with even if it’s expired.

Don’t forget to be open with the administrators and staff in school about your situation. Many times they’ll offer more help and find ways of getting you into the school of your choice at a smaller or no cost. Don’t be shy to say you’re undocumented. As confusing as it may be for you it is hard for them too, staff many times are not properly prepared when it comes to having undocumented students. I know being undocumented and stating it is scary but if you don’t ask for help it is difficult to know that you need it in the first place.

Start creating a folder or file with all those important documents like your parents taxes, your IDs, passport etc so when you meet with school staff or any other administrators it’s not a hassle and you’re forced to make two or three trips. These school visits can be pretty annoying. It’ll be less stressful if you have everything at hand.

Having a job or an expired visa doesn’t take away from the fact that you are still undocumented. Being undocumented, regardless of how you came into the United States or what you’re doing now, still puts you at risk. I know many folks talk about being privileged or advantaged because some youth have jobs or came with visas but at the end of the day we are still undocumented, we can still be deported, we are still limited, confused and excluded.

Finally, I don’t really believe a social security number makes anyone ‘safe’. Many documented people are still being discriminated against and harassed even though they have papers. There are records of citizens being wrongly detained under secure communities and other similar programs. Having a social may secure you a job; however, documented people can still be fired or denied from jobs, be rejected from schools and even be homeless. Many United States citizens can be wrongly deported as well. Having a social security number doesn’t take deportation away especially in a mixed status household. For example, my siblings are citizens and they fear that our family can be separated because of deportation; even though they are documented, deportation is still an issue. Finally, many documented youth are being denied opportunities because their parents are undocumented. As you can see our immigration system is so flawed and administrators are racist and stereotypical that everyone is getting screwed over regardless of immigration status. These are things we want to highlight as proof that we need real change, and we need it now.

Jen, I understand that navigating this system can be stressful, annoying and confusing but it can be done. We just need to be patient and resourceful. When one door shuts another one opens, and if it doesn’t then we create the exit. Don’t stress out too much and take it one day at a time. Putting all your hope and resources into the Dream Act, federal or state level, can have an emotional toll on anyone. Don’t sit around waiting for it to pass because honestly we don’t know if it ever will pass. Yes, we can advocate and push for it but we also need to live our lives and not stay stuck in one place waiting for one bill. I know this may sound harsh but the Dream Act isn’t the only way out and we have seen this in 2011 with the rise of many state bills. Hang in there! and feel free to email me if anything.

Best,
Angy


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Papers. Marriage. Love

Hello. I’m Adriana, 25, I live in Long Island and I’m undocumented. Graduated from the University about 2 years ago and now I’m working as a baby sitter.
I’m writing you regarding that video about dating. From my experience, it’s really hard! I dated this guy for 5 years, I’m sure he knew my status but we never discussed it. It was hard because for some reason sometimes I felt like if I was less than him, like if I was ashamed of my status. I think I also avoided the subject because I didn’t want him to believe that I was with him just for the papers (you know the whole marriage thing).
We had plans to get marry and blah blah but we broke up 2 years ago because he wanted to take a break.
Recently, we started talking again, we went on a couple of dates, and it looks like we might have a chance again. Things are going well. But my question is how do I deal with the subject? I know I have to be open about it but it’s so hard to not feel ashamed about it.
Anyways, I’m sorry about the rant, and good job in the video :) .
Adriana

Adriana,
Thank you for your email and for watching me rant on youtube! haha.

Yes, dating while undocumented can be stressful because you’re not really sure about when or how to share such a big secret. Also, if they may support you or not. However, immigration within marriage is a whole different topic. The person who you are dating may never fully understand why this is so important to you and you can always move on and find someone else ;-) ..but marriage.. it’s a real commitment and status is something that may constantly come in the way.

I’m happy for you and the guy you started dating again; I hope your relationship works out for the better and happiness of you both. If you decide to spend the rest of your days with this person, then I do suggest telling him you are undocumented. Now, by telling him I don’t mean just, “oh by the way I’m undocumented” no, I mean REALLY tell him.

Suggestion: you can let him read other undocumented stories as well as videos before talking to him yourself. Get a feel about where he stands in regards to immigration. I know you mentioned you’ve never discussed it so sit down and discuss how your immigration status affects you and how it may affect him when, and if, you marry. Especially since you feel he may think you’re with him for papers and feel less than him at times, talking about your status is very important. He needs to try to understand all your limitations and the emotional toll being undocumented has on you. Once you marry responsibilities as well as pains are shared by both partners and it’s crucial to have an open communication.

These are discussions you need to have BEFORE getting married, they will impact your marriage greatly. If you don’t feel ready to come out or get married, don’t push yourself or let anyone push you, do it on your own time. Coming out is difficult no matter how many times you’ve done it, don’t feel pressured.

When giving your partner the love, affection and commitment they seek in a relationship or marriage you must be able to offer that to yourself first…

  • Are you proud of yourself and where you’ve gotten this far?
  • Do you love yourself?
  • Do you feel committed and capable enough of loving someone beyond yourself regardless of immigration status?
  • Is he willing to love you beyond himself regardless of immigration status?

He may or may not appreciate you and love you the same after finding out more in depth how your immigration status affects you…this chance at love…is something we all take, undocumented or not.

I wish you luck on where ever life takes you and your partner. Let me know how it goes! I’m an email away.


Email or fill out this form with any questions, concerns or comments.
This is a space to let it all out! You don’t have to bottle it up inside.
Whatever you write is up to you and you will not be judged.
Your stories and worries matter! You are not alone.
Remember, the insecurities and fears you have, someone else is them having too.
Don’t be afraid to speak out.

If you are a fan of the Ask Angy posts..

Would Like To Know More


 

Email or fill out this form with any questions, concerns, comments or just your own story. This is a space to let it all out! You don’t have to bottle it up inside. Whatever you write is up to you and you will not be judged. Your stories and worries matter! You are not alone. Remember, the insecurities and fears you have, someone else is them having too. Don’t be afraid to speak out.

If you are a fan of the Ask Angy posts..

Older posts «

» Newer posts

Immigration Flirtation
Thoughts While Coming Out
I <3 NY Dream Act
Coming Out Through Dance
Our UndocuMic Performances
Dating While Undocumented
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