Dear Angy,
I am a student in California at UCLA and my biggest problem is that I always feel lost in such a big school. Most of all I feel like people here are so much smarter and it’s easy for me to feel like I don’t belong, let alone my status makes it that much harder to feel welcomed…any advice?
Thanks,
Lupe
Lupe,
Thank you for your e-mail and being so honest about this issue, I’m sure you are not the only one. Fitting in and being able to fully participate on campus is so different compared to high school. Not only is the school bigger but we have grown up a lot more now. Once we graduate high school we realize that all the crap folks stressed about back then, are irrelevant now.
Who is the best dressed at prom? Who will the Homecoming Queen be? Did you see that new girl over there?
Now our worries have become bills. especially tuition bills.
How will I pay for school? I can’t find a job, will I still go to school this semester? What if I get stopped by the police? Will I get detained or deported if I apply for this?
All these feelings, questions and responsibilities keep us from being fully involved in school. We spend more time working, crying, traveling and sometimes organizing rather than studying or just enjoying college. I can totally relate to this, my school is a commuter school. Everyone comes and goes, it’s hard for me to get that whole college-y experience we see on TV and in movies because I just can’t stay on campus all day or have to take semesters off. I cannot afford to dorm and so I have to travel back and forth from school. Many times I’ve had to leave to go to a meeting, event, or because I would be tired from working all day before and wanted to sleep. In high school I was very active, because I had more time on my hands and the building was smaller so you get to know everyone faster. Also, I had the same people in my class. In college, you won’t get the chance to meet every single person, but you can get to know a few people here and there that will make class, and possibly outside of class, time more enjoyable.
In my case, I started talking about the Dream Act and being undocumented in class. Sometimes, students come up to me afterwards saying how brave I am and that they want to help out, so we exchange contact information. Some professors invited me to speak to their classes about being undocumented and now I’m in the process of creating a club on campus that will be a safe space for undocumented youth and our supporters. I tried to join a club on campus but I didn’t really feel comfortable in any.
Fitting in can be awkward, difficult but it’s also irrelevant…no one is telling you you HAVE to fit in or belong. It’s okay to stand out, to be different, to just be yourself. No one else can be you. By the way, you got accepted into the same school, the same way everyone else did, there’s no way you are less smart or less valuable because of your immigration status.
I don’t know how comfortable you are when it comes to speaking about your immigration status, but when you do it, you find support and unity in places you never imagined. Also, you can hang out at different college departments, you’ll meet youth there too and they’re probably in the same boat you’re in. I believe UCLA has a student organization called IDEAS, maybe you can take a look and see if you like what they do. You can join undocumented youth led organizations in California and plug yourself in off campus.
Let me know how it goes and if things start feeling better on campus. However, don’t lose yourself trying to fit in or feel unworthy in such a big school. Everyone else is insecure about many things as well, even though they try to pretend they got it together and know what they’re doing, I bet they don’t.
<3
Angy
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