My name is Rosario and Im Undocumented

I do not remember at what age I realized that I was undocumented, but it must have been from very early on. I remember sitting with my mom and my two younger brothers on the back porch of our apartment and the topic of immigration came up- my brothers started asking questions rather loudly and my mom told them that she did not want to talk about it then. I already knew to discuss this topic in a whisper or behind closed doors. I also remember my neighbor telling me her story about coming to the United States and being undocumented, and being slightly jealous that my best friend was a citizen who could return to visit Mexico and her family whenever she wanted, while I was stuck. I was stuck in this country with only my mom and my two younger brothers. My parents separated shortly after we arrived in the United States, when I was in the third grade; from that point, my dad was never reliably there for us, financially or emotionally. There were long stretches of time when we would not have any contact with him and did not even know how to reach him. By the fifth grade, I was well aware of my family’s and my differential status in the United States, and that there was no way for us to change it because we did not have any family here to petition for us and my mom was unwilling to compromise her morals by marrying someone solely for the purpose of being granted that magic number.

Even though I was aware, I was able to go about my life in a normal manner. In elementary and middle school, I did well in school, which set me on an advanced trajectory in high school. I learned about the DREAM Act my freshman year in high school. My mom was very involved with the immigrant community and did a ton of work in the capital of the state, so she would always take my brothers and me to whatever conferences she was participating in. This was the first time that I became aware of the obstacles that were to come, but I was a freshman in high school and hopeful that by the time I needed to apply to college, I would have a path towards citizenship. The first time that my immigration status came up as a personal obstacle was soon after that conference, when I was offered a job by an organization with whom I had been volunteering since the seventh grade. I remember lying to the man who offered me the job about being a citizen, going home with the paperwork, and breaking down when I told my mom what had happened. She went to the organization and spoke to the executive director who gave me the job regardless. My spirits remained high. Then in the tenth grade, I received the honor of being named the local Boys and Girls Club “Youth of the Year”. This meant that I would need to fly to the coast of the state to participate in a state-wide competition for the same title, which meant I needed a state-issued ID. I went to the Department of Motor Vehicles with my mom, armed with my tourist visa, my tax identification number, and a letter from the executive director saying why I needed the ID. The man at the office looked at tourist visa, laughed at me, turned to one of his co-workers and pointed out how it said that I was not allowed further than sixty miles of the Mexico-US border and how he was so glad that they had just had their training to let them know of this, turned back to me and told me that he was going to report me, wrote down my ITIN number, and then returned my documents to me. As soon as I got into the car, I went hysterical- I was terrified that I would get deported. My mom did not really know what to do with me. She put on a tough façade and told me that it would be okay. I continued to cry. I was able to participate in the competition regardless- I used my high school ID to fly.

There were a few other times when my lack of a social security number came up as an impediment keeping me from my goals, but I had toughened up a bit, and nothing had been quite as scary as the DMV man. Then in my senior year, I was constantly reminded of my immigration status. Here I was in my final year, and the DREAM Act had not passed. I again received the title of “Youth of the Year” and prepared for the process of going to the state-wide competition. But I realized that there was a real possibility that this time I could potentially win the state award which meant a large scholarship, so I approached the director and shared my anxieties of not being a citizen and being barred from receiving the money. He asked around to find out if I would receive the money in the event that I won. A week later he found out that I was not eligible. I did not know what to do. Here was the organization that had always been there for me turning its back on me.

After that, I fell into a depression and silent resignation that my dreams may not happen the way that I wanted them to but continued going about the process of applying to private scholarships; by this time I had finished applying to universities, but I began looking at community college as a potential alternative. My hope was renewed when the University of Miami called me to inquire about my status. I told him that I was undocumented and that there was no way to change my status. He told me not to worry and that he would advocate for me to get a private academic scholarship that the school had for international students. I was going to go to the University of Miami! I still needed to raise about $16,000 a year to fund my education, but I saw that as doable- I was going to college and not just any college- my first choice! Then, about a month later, I found out that I had gotten into my original first choice, a school that I had written off after an emotional interview with an alum from the school. Going to this school meant a full scholarship, or at least, enough grant money so that my mom did not need to contribute anything to the school and I did not need to go into debt.

I am now in my third year of college, majoring in sociology and sustainable development. I have to work through the summer and rely on a scholarship that my high school guidance counselor helped me find to cover an expected student contribution and the expenses associated with living in NY and being a student. I have had amazing people in my life who have helped me forward in the process- my mother who has always been an incredible source of strength and the epitome of an independent woman; a guidance counselor who did not know exactly how to get me through the process, but was willing to work with me through it, often speaking on my behalf and asking questions I was afraid to; the Boys and Girls Club and an executive director who looks at my obstacles with an understanding demeanor, yet pushes me forward by continuously reminding me of my potential and how I am an example for the many kids I have worked with. Getting into college granted me four years of peace-of-mind, but I am again heading out to a world full of uncertainty. When I graduate, I will not be able to legally work in the United States unless the DREAM Act passes before then.

I am in a continuous paradox with the United States, a country that has given me so much yet repeatedly rejects me. It was this country that equipped me with a world-class education and this country that may not benefit from it. I would be lying if I said that my dreams still involve the United States. I want to go to graduate school and become an expert in equipping women and children with the resources needed to escape poverty, and the pertinence that has to sustainable development. I would love to go the University for Peace in Costa Rica and eventually help Mexico. I know that it would be much easier to do this if I were an American citizen because of the opportunities available to them, the most privileged individuals in the world. And the United States is such a key player in the world that I am sure whatever organization I want to work may require travelling to the United States- the ten-year ban would pose serious restrictions. But I am confident that my education will help me help the world. I personally continue to fight for the DREAM Act because of my two younger brothers, one who is the hardest worker I have ever met; he has been in and out of community college because he cannot afford it. The other is a junior in high school- he is an incredibly smart individual but does not put in the effort necessary to be successful in school because he thinks his effort will not pay off in the long run due to his undocumented status. There are also countless other individuals I’ve met who have worked just as hard as me or anyone else and I believe that they deserve the right to pursue a higher education, especially because they grew up believing in the American dream and face serious obstacles through no fault of their own. I want to say that I can be tough and leave the United States when I graduate, regardless of what happens with the DREAM Act. The problem is that leaving would mean going into a world unknown, returning to a country that is no longer mine while cutting myself off from the country I have known as home for so long, and leaving behind the only thing truly important to me- my family.

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